They Don't Know You
by A Raven of Emotions
Summary: AU Kames college setting. Student!Kendall, Teacher!James, student-teacher relationship. Small summary: People shouldn't always judge others by their covers. Kendall learned that easily. Professor Diamond isn't the "crazy" person everyone on campus makes him out to be. Him and 'Jamie' are just a little...different. (Discontinued)
1. The Secret Romance

Hello. Well, even though I have the story 'Love the Way You Lie' up and running, I do want to work on another BTR story, an AU college setting. This will have Kames as the main pairing, other pairings undecided right now, and it will have some interesting topics: mental disorders, student-teacher relationships, and discrimination. Discrimination in the sense that sometimes when people don't understand mental disorders well, they can be ignorant. Now, for the disorders/mental conditions mentioned in this story, I did as much as research on them as possible and will continue! I don't plan on just looking and getting into it; mental disorders have always interested me, so this story will be a challenge as 'Love the Way You Lie' is challenging, just on a different level. Now, read and please what you think! This story will be completely AU and have OCs, in terms of James' children (he's the professor, Kendall the student). Still, I hope those who have read and liked my work will enjoy this first chapter. I will try to juggle both stories, but since I'm back in school next week, the updates will not be as frequent. Please, be patient! I will do my best, promise! **Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! I just own the OCs created for this story, and the overall plot! Man, I wish I owned BTR...:'(**

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"I swear, this class is boring as hell!" Jett Stetson whispered to his best friend/roommate, struggling just to keep his head up.

Kendall Knight smiled behind his book, rolling his eyes. "If you didn't want this FFY class, then why did you take it?" He asked, as the timer went off.

"Okay everyone, please turn in your essays then you're free to go! Remember to read Act II of Othello for class Monday! Have a wonderful weekend!" Their FFY teacher (FFY short for Freshman First Year) Miss Wainwright (everyone just called her Kelly, though) said with a grin, her long raven hair up in a high ponytail.

Jett and Kendall rose from their seats and dumped their papers on top of the growing pile on the table nearest to the now open door, bags over their shoulders as they left the room and headed down the stairs.

"Well it seemed like the only FFY class that didn't ask for much work; it's hard being a theater major as it is, Ken. I so don't need more stress freaking me out." Jett said as they headed out of the Rocque building for the cafe. Kendall rolled his bright green eyes, laughing when Jett made a face.

"This coming from the guy who's taking only fifteen credit hours this semester."

"Hey, it's the recommended amount for freshies! I'm not crazy like you to take eighteen, we graduate like in four years! Take your time, man!" Kendall shrugged, a smug smile on.

"I work better under pressure."

"I can tell, so have you decided what you finally going to do for our big Psychology project due in two months? I'm freaking out over this, dude, I have no idea what to do!" Jett said as they made to the cafe and got in line.

Jett grabbed a bowl and served himself some pineapples, strawberries and pears to make a fruit salad. Kendall wasn't feeling very hungry so he just got a mug and fixed himself some earl gray tea, he following his taller blonde friend to a free booth in the crowded cafeteria.

"Damn, this place is packed." Jett pointed out, spooning some pears into his mouth.

"Yeah, lunch time rush is always the worst. So in answering your question, yeah I have finally chosen a subject for my project. In fact, I'm almost done with the video." Kendall said, blowing at his tea before lifting the mug up to his lips.

"See that's the thing, you're great at things like Psychology and our FFY, I'm not though. I mean, why do we have to take Psychology anyway, it's not like I'm going to use it for a part in a movie when I become a superstar." Jett said with a silent groan. Kendall smiled.

He and Jett Stetson have been friends since high school, where they met freshman year. At first, the two blondes hated each other. They were very different: Kendall a down-to-earth, 'go with the flow', friendly guy, Jett a sweet charmer, but also a little self-absorbed and superficial. They had competed for things almost constantly: dates (both boys were proud bisexuals), grades (both boys were smart), sports (Kendall a hockey head, Jett a soccer addict), etc. It was late sophomore year that they decided to bury the hatchet, so to say and from there became best friends. Both liked to hang out with a movie or two and video games on lazy, homework-free weekends, both were stars in their college teams, both liked pizza and cobb salad, and both were in general really cool guys.

Sure Jett could be considered rude, arrogant even but Kendall knew him well; under all the superstar obsession and pinched nose was a good guy, just one a little too in love with himself. Jett was the wild one, the ideal college guy. Kendall was his rock, the calm and often more timid one. The two balanced each other out, the 'not perfect but perfect' best friends.

"Well, it is one of the main requirements freshies like us have to take. Plus who knows, maybe you'll play the role of a sociopath or doctor in a movie; it's best to be prepared." Kendall pointed out. Jett snorted.

"Please, as if I'd let anyone make me play a crazy person." Jett had no idea how that comment struck a cord in Kendall; the younger blonde (Kendall just turned eighteen, while Jett was nineteen) though just shrugged the comment off, trying to keep his facial expression the same.

"Well we just have to take it this semester I think, so just pull through for the next few months and you'll be good, bro." Kendall said, reaching out and patting his best friend's shoulder. Jett sighed, nodding in defeat.

"Yeah, better pray these months fly by fast though. Seriously, we just got back from break and I'm already rattled about classes. I'm just glad we only have to read Act II for Kelly; that gives me plenty of open space this weekend to at least brainstorm for the Psychology project, bless my other professors for not adding to my already packed workload. What about you, Mister Einstein? What are you doing this weekend, going out again?" Jett eyed the dirty blonde (he was more of a brunette with blonde highlights, but he's still thought of as a blonde) suspiciously, Kendall shooting him a simple smile.

"You know when I say go out, I mean to the library right? I have no social life apart from you, J. I'm dedicating my freshman and sophomore years here to just studying my brains out; maybe junior and senior years I'll go to parties, if I'm not too busy." Kendall said, stirring his tea bag around with his own spoon.

"Ken, you keep studying like that and you'll be brain-dead by the end of this semester. It will be hard to do next year without something upstairs." Jett said, chewing slowly before taking a sip of his water.

"Yeah true, but it pays off. I'm here on a scholarship, bro. Unlike you, my mom can't really afford to have me here on her own; I'm just glad most of the scholarship and grants I got cover a majority of the expenses, that way I don't have to spend the years done with college paying off the hundreds I still owe." Kendall said, eyes drifting away from his brown-eyed roommate to a lone table near the windows.

He sighed and his eyes softened, facial expression almost longing.

A tall, well-muscled brunette was sitting at the table, a plate of food barely touched as he went on reading his book. His legs were crossed, one arm over his lap as he flipped to the next page, whole-rimmed black glasses perched on his long, arrow-straight nose.

He was tall, taller than even Jett by two inches. He had a bored look to his handsome, flawless face even though his eyes flashed with genuine interest to what he was reading. He stirred his mug of french vanilla with a spoon lazily, only pausing to take a very small sip before going back to his book.

"You staring at Professor Diamond again?" Jett didn't really have to ask; he could see by the way Kendall looked distracted, deeply distracted. The dirty blonde gave off a sheepish smile.

"I just...wonder why people call him 'Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde', Jett. I mean, we'll have him next year for Interpreting Poetry..."

"They call him that because he's insane, Kendall. I mean, you know Jo right? The sophomore on the volleyball team, she had him last semester and she told me like how he would switch on and off his attitude like a light."

"Eh, elaborate more would you for me?"

"I mean, that one minute he could be all calm and collected, the next he's raging like the Hulk! She had to go through it one time when she went to his office, she missed class because of practice and he had given out notes so she went to ask him for them. He had just gotten off the phone, from what she told me, with some principal or whatever and he was so angry that he nearly broke his desk in two! In two, Ken, she freaked out and nearly took off running! The next day, when she had his class again, he gave her the notes she needed and smiled like nothing happened!" Jett explained, looking scared already. Kendall wasn't fazed though.

'If only he knew...' Kendall though with a mental frown.

"Maybe he was having a bad day." He began, but Jett cut him off with a 'Are you kidding me?' look.

"He gets that way every day, Ken. Are you saying he has a bad day every day?"

"No J, but people really shouldn't spread rumors about him like that. I'm sure no one likes to be known as some two-face." Kendall pointed out, Jett chewing on his lower lip.

"Maybe so, but no one really knows him outside of school right? For all we know, he could be the Hulk." Jett's tone was final, ending the conversation. Kendall sighed and finished up his drink.

His eyes didn't leave Professor Diamond; his gaze followed him even when he left the cafe.

**_-Page Break-_**

Kendall sighed in relief when his last class finally ended, he quick to leave his school bag in his and Jett's room before passing through the neighborhood just outside campus.

'I wonder if he's off work yet. Well he always picks up the kids, even when Jeremy insists on doing it himself, I should go check on them and see if they're okay.' Was Kendall's thought before he reached his destination.

Compared to the other houses on this block, the one he was standing in front of was like a mini-mansion. It was tall, and quite large, a two-story palace with a creme-colored face and dark blue window shutters. James' work van wasn't in the driveway, but the family jeep was and the lights in the living room were on.

The kids were home.

Kendall knocked twice, waiting patiently on the front steps. He smiled when a little girl, eleven, opened the door and gave off a surprised gasp, smiling touching her big eyes. It was cute how she reacted to him every time, even when he visited almost every day.

"Kendy!"

"Hey sweetie!" The dirty blonde chuckled when the little girl bombarded him with a big hug, he able to feel her smile against his ribs.

"You came, you came! Oh, Daddy will be home in a few minutes, are you going to have dinner with us? Big brother Jeremy saw what Daddy made for dinner, he made that soup that we like so much!" The little girl exclaimed, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

Her name was Jade, Jade Natasha Diamond. She was pretty small and thin for her age, with long raven black hair up in a braid, big olive eyes and deeply tanned skin. She was still wearing the clothes she went to school in, just now walking around barefoot: a pink long-sleeve with blue jeans torn at the knees, a pair of gold earrings with matching, jangling bracelets on her slender wrists. She was the youngest of James' kids, and also the most energetic.

Kendall smiled and kissed the top of her head, nodding. "Sure, I'll join if you guys want me to."

"Of course, silly! You're Daddy's boyfriend, my new Papa!" She said. The dirty blonde went red around the ears at this.

'Her new Papa.'

"Okay Jade, give the guy some air now. No doubt he's drained from a day of being a big, bad college kid." A new voice joined the conversation, followed by a teenage boy, fourteen, now standing in the doorway that led from the living room to the kitchen.

Jade giggled as Kendall picked her up and held her, smiling back at the normally shy, quiet boy.

"Hey Bruce, how was school?"

"It was okay Dad, just boring."

Bruce Richard Diamond was the middle child of the three, had just celebrated his fourteenth birthday last month. He had dark skin like Jade, though a bit lighter, and black hair as well though his was curlier, and shorter, while his eyes were a mix between green and brown. He was a bit on the short side and had a lanky built, but was super smart and planning to go to college for a double major in physics and engineering. He had changed out of his school clothes, into a pair of black sweats and a dark blue tee, and it was obvious he had been reading. He always wore glasses when reading, just like his father.

Kendall smiled as Bruce ran up to hug him, ruffling his always messy hair. "Well I'm not surprised, you're a genius. Don't worry though, when you take AP classes junior year then you'll get the challenge you're after."

"That's what sucks about being a freshman though, I have to wait until then!" Bruce whined, making Kendall laugh.

"Hey, enjoy the high school years while they last; college is a whole other ball game."

"That's what Father says all the time." Bruce agreed with a nod.

"And because of that, I ain't looking so forward to college anymore." Finally, the eldest of the Diamond kids entered the living room, pulling off the apron he had put on when he was handling dinner.

Jeremy Roy Diamond was the oldest, sixteen going on seventeen. Unlike Bruce he was taller and a bit more muscular, and unlike Jade and Bruce (who were biologically brother and sister) had dark blonde hair instead of black, and bright blue eyes instead of green or brown-green. He wore all black, though sometimes he wore purple or green, his favorite colors, and was the most serious-looking of the three. The mischievous smile on his face, however, gave him the appearance of a child.

"Hey, Pops."

All the kids called Kendall 'Dad' in one way or another. To them, he was their other father, to them they now had two dads.

Despite the fact Kendall was eighteen and James was twenty-five, they have grown to love the blonde enough to see him as family.

"Hey Hotshot, how was your day?"

"Pretty good, really good since I'm leading my team to the championships next week. I am going to make history at my lame-ass school!" Jeremy exclaimed with a grin, pumping his fist into the air.

"Jeremy, no cursing around Jade remember? And that's great champ, why don't you and Bruce help Jade wash up for dinner? I'll serve tonight."

"Kay." Bruce and Jeremy each took Jade by the hand and led her back to the kitchen, Kendall taking off his jacket and hanging it up by the door. He nearly jumped when his phone vibrated; he just got a text.

**I'll be home in ten minutes, tell the kids I love them. You too. Thanks for stopping by to keep an eye on them. :)**

**-James.**

Kendall blushed but smiled and typed something quick yet sweet back, getting to work on serving the kids dinner.

**No problem, you know I love them. And you too, hurry though or we'll dig in without you. ;)**

**-Kendall.**


	2. The Secret Other

Hello again! Just going to update this new story today, then 'Love the Way You Lie' tomorrow. I want to keep the updates even before I go back to school next Monday! Yay for the spring semester! I hope everyone will be patient with me for the next following months; I'll be busy a lot with college work, have to survive that but I will, I promise! Now, there was a lot of confusion for many from the first chapter, especially with James having kids. Well, hopefully the clues I give in this chapter will clear everything up but if not, just send your questions in your reviews and I will answer all questions individually in review responses. Now, I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Thank you everyone for the support, again sorry for the confusion, and hope this chapter does it all for everyone! Answer questions, and entertains your minds! Once again, enjoy! **Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! I wish I did though, to get to hang out with them would be the ultimate dream come true! :)**

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Jade giggled with now sleepy eyes as her two daddies finished singing the song, the song they sang to her every night before bed.

Despite the fact she was eleven, she knew how to appreciate music. Even though her attention often drifted, her two daddies singing always caught her focus; Daddy James' deep, rich alto blended well with Daddy Kendall's soothing, soft soprano.

James smiled and tucked his daughter and her stuffed bear in as Kendall turned on her mermaid nightlight (she was still afraid of the dark), he kissing the top of her head softly. "Goodnight sweetie, see you in the morning. I love you..." James whispered, Kendall returning to his side to say his goodnight.

"Goodnight Jade, sweet dreams. I love you..." Kendall whispered, kissing the top of her head.

Jade giggled and hugged her bear, named Lion for some reason, tight to her chest. "Goodnight Daddy, goodnight Papa." She managed through a cat-like yawn before she closed her big olive eyes and snuggled into her pillows. She was fast asleep in minutes; she was chipper as can be all day, but slept like a baby all night.

Seeing her sleep peacefully, probably dreaming of unicorns and big, magical castles, always made Kendall feel warm and fuzzy inside.

'She is so much like James, same for Bruce and Jeremy. Even after the problems they've been through, they smile every day looking forward to the future. They were always strong, but James made them even stronger.' Kendall thought with a fond smile before he and James left the princess's bedroom, he being careful to close the door behind him without making a sound. Jade, like James, was a light sleeper.

"She must have been tired." Kendall said, keeping his voice down still. James chuckled.

"Well when it comes to recess, there's no stopping her. I'm just glad she didn't get hurt this time; I can swear to you I almost suffered a heart attack when her teacher called me saying she fell off the swing, and only skinned her knee. I was so scared she broke her arm or her nose." James said. Even though his smile was light, his eyes had flashed golden-red for a brief minute, a wince leaving him.

James didn't play around when it came to the safety of his kids. They were his whole world. Before Kendall, they were all he had. Now with the dirty blonde in his life, James had learned to open his heart a little more, but his kids always came first. Jeremy, Bruce, and Jade weren't just his stars, his sun and moon; they were his rocks, they kept him going. They kept him sane, from losing control.

Kendall couldn't help but admire the older man for that. Some single parents, when they had a potential partner, would put their own needs before their kids'. Kendall and James have been dating for six months now; he made it clear before they even went on their first date that if the relationship was going to work, Kendall would have to love his kids before he could love James. Of course Kendall was already fond of the children before the platonic student-teacher relationship grew romantic, but he liked that. A man who puts his children, who thinks of his children first before anything else was a sign of a good man.

'And James is a good man, even if he doesn't think so himself.' Was Kendall's train of thought before it was broken as the two reached Bruce and Jeremy's room.

The two boys, when the children moved in two years ago, insisted they share a room even with all the space available in the house. Their argument was that the didn't want to take advantage of their new father (something James had laughed off because, to him, they never did that) and the two were use to sharing a room anyways, back when they were in the home. James at first protested, since he wanted his sons to feel well at home, but after seeing how well they worked as roommates dropped the subject all together.

Bruce was all neat and tidy, Jeremy thought life was too short to be organized (something he picked up from Kendall). Bruce was the studious one, Jeremy the procrastinator. Jeremy was the sports champ, Bruce the chess champ. Jeremy often loud, while Bruce preferred silence; they balanced each other well, in the end.

"Boys, time for bed." James said, knocking on the ajar door.

Bruce looked up from his book. He was sitting on Jeremy's back as the older boy did push-ups, glasses nearly falling off his face as Jeremy went still.

The sporty blonde pouted, Bruce leaping off his back and going back to the page he was on. "But Dad, it's early!"

"I know, it's only ten minutes to eleven but son you need to rest. You're taking your archery team to the championships next week; sports aren't just about physical skill, mental focus plays a big part too. If you don't sleep well, your brain doesn't work to its full potential, which you means you can lose focus. If you lose focus, then you won't do well. I know you like to work hard, but you also to have fun and take a break every now and again. Besides, when you stay up all night working out, Bruce stays up all reading. My boys need sleep, now it's off to bed." James said. His tone was gentle still, but his facial expression read 'I love you guys, this is for your own good'.

Jeremy sighed but didn't argue and climbed into bed, Bruce taking off his glasses and putting them away in his case. James went over and kissed Bruce on top of the head, then Jeremy despite the embarrassed blushes on their faces.

"Father, no kisses!" Bruce whined, barely accepting the hug from Kendall before pulling the covers over his head.

"Yeah Dad, we're big boys now! Big boys don't need kisses anymore!" Jeremy added, crossing his arms. James smirked.

"No matter how old you two get, you'll always be my little baby boys. So get over it." He said. Both Bruce and Jeremy stuck their tongues out as the two adults left their room, bursting out into laughter as James closed their door.

"I swear, kids these days. They don't understand that no matter what, I'm always going to be there for them even when they're married with their own kids." James said with a faked annoyed eye-roll, Kendall giggling (all manly) as they held hands and headed to their bedroom.

"I think Bruce and Jeremy know that, they just like to mess with you." He said, laughing harder when James faked a groan.

"Dear Lord they're torturing me at twenty-five; I'm going to get gray hairs before my next birthday."

'Still, I love them.' James thought with a mental smile.

_'Hey, I love them too!'_ The voice in his head shouted; James winced but his spirits didn't damper, since he's grown use to 'him' since he turned eighteen.

'Yeah, I know. They know you love them too, Jamie.'

**_-Page Break-_**

Kendall finished changing into a tank top and shorts while James took a late-night shower, complaining about being sweaty from work. When James wasn't one of the toughest, most challenging professors of the English department at Palm Woods University, he was a handyman. He knew how to do just about everything, from repairing a car's engine to rewiring a whole house's ventilation system. Even though James inherited a large fortune and half of the rights of the most famous cosmetics company in the Mid-West at his mother's death, he let his step-brother Mauricio take over since he was more of a business guy than him. He didn't take anything off his chuck of the fortune because he wanted that money for his kids, not him. He was saving all of it for when Jeremy went to college, and then Bruce and then Jade even though his daughter was still in middle school.

He didn't have to make a one-man business as a handyman, but James wanted to make it on his own and support his kids without any help from his rich background. Plus, his services were great and he was popular in the neighborhood. Everyone loved him, even though he rarely showed his soft side to anyone but Kendall and his sons and daughter.

'If only people knew just how amazing James is. He's no Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, even with Jamie around.' Kendall thought, sitting on the bed.

Jamie.

That was the name of James' other personality, his second identity.

James Diamond, Kendall's beautiful and wonderful lover, had DID. That was short for Dissociative Identity Disorder. It was a rare mental condition in which someone could have two more other identities, each with their own attitudes, names, voices even. These personalities often collided with each other, because they could be very different. James and his other side, he and the kids named him Jamie, were very different. James was soft-spoken yet very nice and generous and smart. Jamie...he was smart and could very nice too, but when threatened could turn aggressive. Jamie was more prone to verbally attacking someone than James, like when one of Jade's teachers called her stupid because she had ADD. James' eyes turned golden-red, a sign Jamie was coming, and he had raced to Jade's school and had a shouting match with said teacher. It caught the principal's attention and the teacher was fired, a victory for the more daring brunette. Even though James had felt ashamed he had lost control so easily, he was glad Jamie stepped in. The other brunette, while he was more aggressive, loved the kids and never allowed anyone or anything to get away with hurting them. He was a father too, he shared James' thoughts and feelings, even though James had no memory of anything that took place when Jamie was in control.

The two personalities often conflicted, Kendall has seen that happen several times, but in the end they were both good men.

Jamie was the reason people called James 'Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde'. Because he had DID, he was often unstable but James took his meds. He took his meds and went to therapy, and made sure his children did the same. The four lived very productive, normal lives despite their conditions.

Jeremy was Bi-polar, Bi-polar II. Jade had ADD, and Bruce had BPD, short for Borderline Personality Disorder. Each child had a special condition, and James took it upon himself to raise and love these kids, make sure they took their medication and for Bruce to attend his psychotherapy sessions. Even though they had their differences from other children, even though some people would have had given up on children like them, James did not.

Jeremy lost his parents in a car accident when he was really little. When Bruce and Jade's parents found out both their children had mental conditions, they dumped them at the nearest orphanage the first chance they got. The three grew close the moment they met, and James adopted them two years ago; Jeremy was fourteen at the time, Bruce twelve and Jade nine. The three children grow to love James; at first they were skeptical, after all they've had only each other to lean on, but when they found out James had DID and still wanted to adopt them, they began to see them as a father.

In the end, James became a single parent to three misunderstood, yet wonderful children. Even if he wasn't exactly normal himself, he loved them and dedicated his whole life to them. He knew what it was like to be different, to be considered a freak even to some. He knew the pain of being alone, of being judged and he didn't want Jeremy, Bruce, and Jade to go through what he did when his mother died (the same year he developed DID). He wanted his sons and daughter to know what it was like to be loved and have a home, he wanted them to have security.

In other words, he wanted to give them what he was deprived of when he was younger.

'He maybe different, but he's not the monster everyone on campus makes him out to be...'

Kendall nearly jumped when James came out of the bathroom, wearing boxers and a tank top. The make-up he always wore to hide his tattoos was all washed off and gone, them clear as day now: He had two around his left wrist, twisting around like thick, black chains. He had two others on his other wrist, the chains spelling out four names in silver cursive writing: Jade and Bruce on his left wrist, Kendall and Jeremy on his right. He had another tattoo on the side of his neck, the word 'God' in Hebrew (James was Jewish), and one long one on his back; Jamie had control at the time it was done though, so it wasn't James' really. It traced his spine in rose thorns, spreading out across his shoulder blades. One had an angel's wing, the other a demon's. At the base of James' neck was a large black rose, with a phrase Jamie picked out special under the wings: 'People talk, people blame but really they are the only ones with the shame'.

James may hate the tattoo on his back, but to Kendall all of them looked beautiful on him.

"Ah, I feel so much better. I had to fix up three cars today, grease and sweat everywhere." James said with relieved sigh, Kendall smiling as they got under the covers and faced each other.

"Always working hard, that's my James." Kendall said with a wink; James laughed.

"Hey, you're not the only one can work under pressure. Thanks again really, I can never say in small words how much I appreciate you being in my life." James whispered once his laughter died down, lacing their hands together. Kendall blushed but leaned in and pressed their lips together, James returning it fully with another content sigh when they broke apart.

"Hey I love you. You and Jamie, and I love the kids too; it feels like they're mine too, you know? I just...fell for them."

"They're amazing like that, can win anyone over. They call you 'Dad' too, Kendall. It's hard for them to get use to someone, but with you it only took a month or so. You're amazing like them, I love you four so much...I just hope I never lose the beautiful family I have. If I were to lose you and the kids...I wouldn't be able to go on."

"That's never going to happen, James. I promise, we'll always be together."

"Before, I would have called you a liar for making such a promise. But now...it's different. Now go to sleep, sweetheart, you had a tough day." James whispered, giving Kendall another quick yet loving kiss as he wrapped his arms around him and held him close. Kendall's blush darkened but he smiled and snuggled into the older man's strong chest.

"Goodnight, I love you."

"I love you, too."


	3. The Secret Family Outing

Yolo! Sorry for not updating yesterday. I went and got my textbook orders in, got my groceries done, etc. I was tired, really tired. But now I'm back in my dorm with nothing to do, so what's better than to write more for 'They Don't Know You'? Thank you so much to my sister Shani for reviewing; I really hope that everyone, over the chapters, can see the lesson I'm trying to convey through the story. It's a lesson I learned when I was very young, but it meant a lot to me. Well, onward. Thanks to everyone also for adding this story to your favorites and alerts, I'm so stoked about this story just as much as I am for 'Love the Way You Lie'. Sorry if I sound out of it though, still a little tired since I had to clean my dorm room up a little. Dust and me, not friends. Please enjoy. **Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! If I did...wow, I'd be so happy...! :)**

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There was hardly ever a boring moment in the Diamond household.

If James wasn't grading papers or preparing lesson plans, Jeremy was out in the backyard practicing his archery. He wasn't allowed to practice in the front yard, after nailing a passing car and the mailbox, twice. If Jeremy wasn't practicing archery, Bruce would be typing away at his laptop doing research on whatever new scientific discovery he heard about from his favorite teacher, Mr. Collins. James had to remind him to not stay too late, or else he would have to ground him from the internet. And if Bruce wasn't on his laptop, he along with Jeremy and Kendall and James would watch with fond smiles Jade dancing away to one of her favorite songs. She got a 30-minute break in between homework, since the child just could not focus well without something blaring in the background.

In short, when one family member wasn't doing something of their routine, another would be. And if no one in the house was doing something within their routine, they would be doing something together.

Just like they did every weekend. Saturdays and Sundays were the days James was free from Palm Woods Uni. and took off from his services as a handyman. He had experience with having a sort of lonely childhood, and he didn't want to do that to his own children; his mom, back when she was still around, worked like a mule day and night, 24/7 to make sure her son had everything. Of course he had food in his stomach, clothes on his back but he didn't always have the motherly love and attention he so desperately craved.

He loved his mother, no one would be able to object that from the pictures he still had of her save in a box under his bed. He loved her very much, but no parent was ever perfect.

"Don't be silly Daddy, you are the best Daddy ever!" Jade exclaimed.

James blinked. He hadn't realized he had been thinking out loud.

The five were taking a stroll through the one of the many malls in Los Angeles. It may have been the only one nearby, but it sure was big. Jade was in Kendall's arms (she liked being carried around, surprising for an eleven-year-old), James with an arm around the dirty blonde's shoulders while Bruce was tugging Jeremy along to the nearest bookstore.

The brunette smiled apologetically and kissed Jade's forehead. "Was I speaking out loud again, sweetie?"

"Yes, yes you were." Jade replied with a cross of her arms. Kendall suppressed a laugh; it was always so cute to see Jade trying to make a serious facial expression. With her big eyes, beaming smile and child-like face, it was kind of hard to take the little girl seriously sometimes.

'Just like James, both are too sweet to go cross.' Kendall thought with a fond smile, James catching sight of it and smiling too as he pressed a kiss to his pale cheek.

"I'm sorry, angel. I just don't have peace inside my own head, so I say what I think out loud."

"From Daddy Jamie?"

"Yeah, he's rubbing it in that I really don't look like a teacher right now and I was trying to aim for that." James answered, giving himself a quick look-over.

James was wearing a plain dark blue tee with a black sweatshirt over it, light blue jeans hugging his legs and topping it all off with a pair of Vans he borrowed from his boyfriend. He had his glasses on, instead of his often usual contacts, and his hair was its normal hot and spiky, yet still attractive, mess. He had a few bags with him, mostly clothes he got for the children, while Kendall had the silver bracelet James gave him three months into their relationship around his right wrist; James had called that bracelet a promise bracelet, he promising to always stay faithful to Kendall no matter what.

James wasn't a stranger to being hurt. His fiancee, well ex-fiancee, left standing like an idiot at the alter and the last steady boyfriend he had moved away, transferred to another university all the way in Florida. He took his relationships seriously, even though he did have a rep as a teenager for being a player.

Well, once he he lost his mom and had Jeremy, Bruce, and Jade he dropped all the childishness he led on for years and grew up, took responsibility. Being hurt hurts, but it does make someone stronger. Maybe that was why people, mostly students and his fellow staff members, said he was cold as ice, bitter like winter night.

He just put that up that front so only those he truly loved saw the other side of him. Yes, Jamie was involved since who could really say James didn't have another identity? He was to live with his other personality until he died, but the side he really hated showing to just anybody was his loving, nurturing side. Apart from Kendall, no one knew James had a loving heart. Apart from Kendall, no one knew James even had a family, children of his own. He's seen the pranks some college kids like to pull, especially on teachers they didn't like, and he didn't want to bring his sons and daughter into the line of fire. Who knows, a crazy person may find out where he lives, come into his home and harm them. Sure, that seemed a little like paranoia on his part but he didn't like taking chances that could risk his children or his dear boyfriend.

James was pulled out of his train of thought when Kendall stopped walking, looking at him with concern. "Are you worried someone from school might recognize us?" He didn't say that in hurt, but in worry.

James and Kendall's relationship was secret, just like Bruce, Jade and Jeremy were a secret. Palm Woods University had a strict policy concerning student-teacher relationships; they weren't taken in with kindness, and if it went on without being reported the staff member involved may face suspension. Of course, that had been a main concern to James when he and the dirty blonde seven years younger than him became a couple. If he was caught, he'd lose his dream job and have nothing but the handyman business to support his children. Even with the fortune he inherited, he didn't want to touch unless it concerned his kids' futures.

And whenever Kendall and James went out, they had to be careful of not getting caught together by a student or co-worker, etc. They hated having to hide their relationship, because the two despite the age difference cared very deeply about each other, but they had to pull through. As long as Kendall was a student, they couldn't go public with their relationship.

"Not really, I just have the bad habit of trying to go for professional all the time. Jamie tends to wear a lot of black, so I go for dress pants and sweaters; that was the only way Jeremy, Bruce and my little princess here learned how to tell us apart, you know before they caught on to the whole eye-color change." James explained with an eye-roll. He felt warm inside when he saw Kendall's face softened to a fond, loving expression.

'I can't believe he accepts my...condition so easily.' James thought, ignoring Jamie nagging at him.

"Well all professional or in just jeans and a sweater, you still look amazing." Kendall said, blushing when the older man winked at him and kissed him chastely, sweetly. Jade giggled in the background, arms tight around the blonde's neck.

"Thank you beloved, you're the only person who ever sees me this way in school. It's nice to be myself once in a while." James said, before Bruce and Jeremy came running back to them.

"Whoa boys, where's the fire?" Kendall asked jokingly, Bruce grinning while Jeremy looked as if he just escaped a torture chamber.

"Oh I was just doing some reading in the bookstore, I hate browsing alone though so I had to take Jeremy with me." Bruce answered with a spring in his step. Jeremy, however, only looked up at his fathers with horrified blue eyes.

"B-books everywhere, God damn it I was going to lose it! How can you stand being in there all the time, babe?!" The spunky blonde exclaimed, James quick to cover Jade's ears so she wouldn't hear her brother's foul mouth.

"Jeremy, again no cursing in front of your sister." Kendall scolded lightly.

"Sorry Pops, but seriously I swear Bruce could be cheating on me with all the books he reads! When he's holding one, it's like the whole worlds vanishes! I have feelings too, you know!" Jeremy protested with a cross of his strong arms, Bruce's chocolate-mint eyes shining in amusing.

It wasn't a secret that Jeremy and Bruce were a couple. Before being adopted by James, the two were close friends as little boys, the friendship over time transforming into a mutual romantic attraction. When the adoption came around, the two feared of being separated; before their father came around, the three were all each other had, they practically raised Bruce's little sister Jade themselves. But once James made it clear that was he was adopting the three, that he had no intention of splitting them up, the boys were able to relax.

Well they did worried that their new father did not tolerate bisexuals, until he laughed and told them that he was pan and that he didn't care which gender they preferred; as long as they were happy, he was too. Same went for Jade, even if she was still a little young to really have that talk yet.

Yep, to them James really was the perfect father. He, and Jamie.

Bruce scoffed and took Jade from Kendall, who was too busy playing with her hair to really notice another playful spat between her brothers. "Jeremy, you know it's physically impossible for me to cheat on you with a book, right? It's an object, non-living." He pointed out, Kendall and James watching this and trying yet failing to hold back twin mischievous grins.

Jeremy eyed his boyfriend with a huge pout. "You. Sleep. With. One. Under. Your. Pillow! What makes you think I don't see something going on?! If you don't want to be with me, then just tell me!" He said, pretending to tear up behind his sunglasses.

Bruce sighed and kissed Jeremy on the cheek, prying his left arm free so he could snuggle to it. "Don't be ridiculous, drama-queen. As much as I love science and math, especially books on science and math with their challenging equations, soft spines and endless supply of knowledge-"

"Your point?!" Kendall let out a laugh, James' grin still in place; Jeremy was often short-tempered and easily annoyed, but he was putty in Bruce's hands.

"But they can never replace you, they can never match the love I have for you." Bruce finished after being so rudely interrupted, squeezing Jeremy softly as he moved to hug him around the waist.

The blue-eyed archer star pretended to think it over but it was obvious his younger lover had already placated him. He returned the hug ten-fold, burying his face into Bruce's dark chocolate locks. "I love you too, Einstein."

"Well now that you two have made up, how about lunch? I remember you three said something about trying out a quaint Italian deli somewhere here..." James began, trailing off when he saw the children's eyes sparkle.

"Oh right, this way!" Jade leaped from Bruce's arms and began the chase, Bruce switching to overprotective brother mode in a second.

"Jade wait, you can't run off on your own!" Jeremy now sported a grin.

"Cool, a nice hot game of tag!" And with that he ran after Jade, laughing all the way like an ego maniac and ignoring the stares he got from the other shoppers.

Bruce smacked his forehead, turning to James and Kendall. "Fathers, must we really deal with this every day?" He asked. His face read annoyance, yet his eyes said another thing entirely. Kendall smiled and hugged Bruce to him, James ruffling his hair.

"Well, you can't choose your family. But at least you'll never get bored!" Kendall exclaimed with a simple smile. Bruce eyed him incredulously.

"Are you a little crazy like us?"

"Maybe."

"Yes maybe he is, and now if we don't chase after those two maybe we'll lose them." James said, dragging Kendall with Bruce in tow.

'I swear, my world is always moving.' James thought with a mental eye-roll. He was still grinning, though.

**_-Page Break-_**

Kendall watched the family as they ate dinner, chewing between bites of the plate of pasta he and James were sharing.

The sight before him was so adorable.

Bruce sipping at his tea (he drank earl gray and herbal, not a big fan of coffee or soda) as he tried to make sure Jeremy didn't choke on his slice of veggie pizza (the boy had the appetite of a starving lion!). Jeremy responded with a smile and light kiss to the younger boy's cheek, who blushed from the attention of his older lover; in a way, their love was just as special as Kendall's with James.

The age difference between them was clear; Jeremy had light stubble while Bruce was clean-shaven, but like the saying goes: 'Love has no age'.

Jade was eating her spaghetti and meatballs, somewhat messy. James would only roll his eyes in a fond manner and wipe her face with his napkin, he swaping his full, untouched glass of coke for Jeremy's; the boy was done with his and James wasn't much of a soda fan himself, so he didn't mind sipping away at the small glass of water he had ordered earlier.

"Beloved, are you alright?" James asked, breaking the dirty blonde out of his train of thought. Kendall blushed but smiled back, his heart leaping inside his chest when James kissed him softly.

Even though they ran the risk of being caught, James did not deprive his boyfriend of the love and affection he wanted to shower him with. James was a romantic at heart; it was in his nature, from what his mom use to say.

"Yeah, I-I'm just...surprised yet glad I'm part of this family, your family James. I feel like, like I have more family to care for, to love." Kendall responded with a soft grin. James smiled.

He knew that since Kendall's family was in Sherwood, Minnesota that he felt lonely at times. Being here with his boyfriend with his kids, having a nice lunch in a non-fancy yet great deli brought back nice memories.

"You do, this is your family beloved. You and I, I already see us as...a true, loving couple." James could not say the word "married", he had bad memories with that word.

Like he was left at the alter, in tears a year ago.

_'You know, eventually you're going to have to get over that.' _He heard Jamie snap at him.

'Quiet, you.' James snapped mentally back, trying his best to tune everything his other side was saying.

"I'm glad, James. You know I love you, right?"

"Yes, I do. And I love you too, beloved."

"Aww, Dad's trying to get laid." Jeremy teased, Bruce's face red as a tomato again while Jade looked on, puzzled.

"Jeremy!"

"What's that, Papa?" Jade asked Kendall, wide innocent eyes taking him in.

"N-nothing honey, just something...ugh, something teens nowadays say for...um talking with your special someone!"

"Father, that does not..." Bruce began but James shot him a 'Do not give your sister, your ELEVEN-year-old sister, the sex talk' look.

"Like Papa said, sweetie. It's just a weird way of saying date, now beloved mind keeping on an eye on my princess, my next future brain surgeon, and my little stuntman here while I get a refill on my water? And no funny business; that goes double for you, young man." James said, eyes on Jeremy.

The spunky blonde smiled, as if he was innocent. "Sure, Dad!"

"Now you see what I deal with every day, beloved." James said to Kendall, giving him a wink.

Jeremy pouted while Bruce scoffed, Jade giggling. "Come on Dad, you know you love us!" Jeremy pointed out.

"You tell us that every day, even when we do something wrong." Bruce added, wiping at his mouth.

"Daddy loves us, don't you Daddy?" Jade asked, looking up from playing with Kendall's hair (she loved his hair, all soft and silky according to her!).

James took a deep breath and turned back to the table.

A few blinks, a wince before a big smile touched his face.

"Yes, I do. I love you three, you four...with all my heart."

'And there's no denying that, no matter how many times they drive me up the wall.'


	4. The Secret Double Life

Yolo! Yeah I noticed this is a late update but I have a reasonable excuse, really I do! I started spring semester today and was in class all day! My new schedule: Excursions in Math, World Lit., Psychology, my Shakespeare class, and Multimedia. Tuesdays and Thursdays will be my busy days; I have three classes those days, yet I get out early in the afternoon. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I just have two classes, and they start in the afternoon so I have the whole morning to myself. Sorry for this late update. I just got back from dinner with my sisters, but I'm back to write some more! I had no idea what to write for this new chapter, my brain is drained and right now in the story it's the weekend, so I guess more family/Kames fluff? Yeah sorry, going back to college is often a little draining. **Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! If I did, I would ask them to autograph my BTR shirt! :)**

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"So, who's turn is it to pick the movie tonight?" Jeremy asked, he carrying a bowl of low-fat, buttery popcorn only to lightly plop it on the coffee table.

Bruce looked up from his laptop, lifting it off his lap so that his spunky blonde lover could rest his head. "Um, I believe it's Jade's turn tonight."

Another Diamond family tradition on the weekends was to watch a movie together. Everyone, Kendall included, took turns picking out what to watch for the night, alternating every weekend. Last weekend was Jeremy's turn. Kendall was still haunted by Freddy Kruger thanks to the bloody marathon; Bruce had chosen _Brokeback Mountain _when it had been his turn. Everyone liked it, though Kendall had to cover Jade's eyes during the beat-up scene. And the brief sex scenes, too.

When it was Jade's turn, she usually picked out Disney movies.

"Can we watch _Tangled_ tonight, Daddy?" Jade asked, holding the movie case in both of her hands and pulling out her puppy eyes.

Kendall snickered as James' face turned a bright red. The older man always got that way when his daughter made that face.

"Sure honey, put it in." He said with a smile. He knew he was totally whipped when it came to his kids; better to whipped about his kids than alcohol, though.

"Yay!"

"So what's this movie about?" Bruce asked, Jade spinning on her heels to grin at her big brother.

"It's a story about love, fighting for it to the very end! At least I think so, I haven't seen it yet."

"Wait, where did you get the movie?" Jeremy asked this time.

"Yard sale; our neighbor was getting rid of a lot of stuff and Daddy give me ten dollars! It only cost me two!" Jade exclaimed with a giggle, Bruce and Jeremy bursting out into laughter at this. Their little sister Jade got excited over the simplest of things. It was cute though, only their sister could pull off that strong string of cuteness.

"Oh how easily little kids get for a movie." Bruce said, Jeremy eyeing him oddly at this.

"Says the guy who was crushing hard on Clint Barton from _The Avengers_ movie." He hissed, Bruce going a bright red in the face.

"Hey, I-I can't help it if I find him attractive! He's the world's best marksman!"

"Who happens to be blonde like me, and does archery like me! I'm practically your Hawkeye in flesh and blood, babe!" Kendall looked at James as he rolled his soft hazel-green eyes...which were slowing changing a bright golden-red.

'Here comes Jamie.' He thought, unable to decide on either to feel curious or worried.

"And he's your Bruce Banner, son, we get it now so no arguing anymore! It's your sister's night tonight, so hush and watch the movie!"

When Jamie talked, it sounded deeper than James' voice. It sounded close to the growl of a hungry panther, and when Jamie talked he always managed a really disconcerting smile to stay on his face.

It wasn't a smile that screamed "Maniac, get away!", but a smile that said "I love my family very much, but I can scare even them into obeying me".

Bruce and Jeremy clicked their mouths shut, snuggling into each other and feeding each other popcorn.

Jade giggled, victorious, as she pressed play on the DVD remote before climbing into Kendall's lap, who was sitting in Jamie's lap.

For the next twenty minutes it was very silent, since the movie was up and rolling, but it didn't take long for Kendall to hear a familiar humming into his left ear. It was a humming Jamie always did; while James tried breathing exercises to keep control, Jamie hummed. To him it was a way of controlling James, as he felt that he rarely got a chance to come around and spend time with the family that was his too. Jamie and James were always fighting for control, trying to get the other side to submit; Jamie nearly tried to kiss Kendall one time, pretending to be James. James has never let his other self live that down, even though Kendall pointed out that both were technically the same person.

One thing the separate identities could agree on: They didn't like sharing the same body, and they didn't like sharing their precious dirty blonde. They didn't mind sharing Jeremy, Bruce and Jade since their were their children, but sharing a potential spouse was a whole other animal.

"I swear, James mentally yells louder than I do." Jamie whispered to Kendall, nipping the spot under his left ear that always turned on the younger man. Kendall gasped, a blush painting his pale cheeks as he tried to ignore the seductive snickering at his ear.

"J-Jamie, the kids are here! They can hear you!" He protested, though the brunette laughed again.

"I can assure you, beloved that they can't. Watch this, hey Jeremy honey?" Jamie called softly, running his fingers through his son's brown-blonde hair.

"Huh, what?" Jeremy croaked, bright blue eyes dull with sleep sand. He had fallen asleep like twenty-five minutes into the movie. Bruce was barely paying attention, going back to his laptop; the only person watching the movie was Jade, who was chewing at the popcorn as if she hasn't eaten all day.

"Sorry, I wanted to make sure you were comfy." Jamie cooed, kissing the top of Jeremy's head.

Said blonde nodded numbly and closed his eyes again, sleep once more in mere seconds. Bruce just smiled and brushed through his lover's messy hair, one hand typing away on the shiny black keyboard.

"You were saying?" Jamie asked, adding another nip to Kendall's ear.

'He keeps this up, he'll...h-he'll make my arousal more noticeable.' Kendall thought with a nervous, racing heart. Jade was on his lap, innocently watching the movie away.

_'Stop teasing him, Jamie! And do NOT try to fool around with the sex card around my babies! You do that and I'll find a way to kill you!' _James screamed, his mental rant making Jamie wince.

'Would you relax, do you really think I'd be that irresponsible? If I'm going to play the sex card, I'll take Kendy Bunny here to bed! I'm not sick, idiot!' Jamie growled back, though his facial expression remained the same.

_'You will not try that card! It's too early in the relationship!'_

'Dating for six months, that's too EARLY?! We're a fucking virgin for God's sake!'

_'And we're staying that way until there is a ring on our finger!'_

'Then what are you waiting for to propose marriage to him, freaking 2040?!'

Jamie heard James sigh, picturing the hurt in his soft hazel-green eyes. _'I'm not thinking about marriage for a good while and you KNOW why, dumbass. I don't have good memories with alters, since we got left at one.'_

Jamie sighed and willed himself to ignore James' pointless (to him it was pointless because really, that was like a year ago!) banter, focusing his attention once more on the blushing, delicious-looking dirty blonde on his lap.

'Well, it's not my fault he's so damn tempting.'

_'Quit looking at him as if you're a wolf staring at his next meal!'_ James warned, though Jamie rolled his eyes.

'Who's in control right now, oh that's right me! You can't do anything, so shut up and let me make my moves! I don't need a babysitter, smartass!' Was the last thing James heard before Jamie literally tuned him out, wrapping his arms around Kendall and running his slender, warm fingers along the shorter man's spine.

A chill shook Kendall, a chill that made Jamie smirk in glee. "Looks like someone is sensitive."

"J-Jamie...James said he isn't r-ready for that yet." Kendall whispered, cheeks going from pink to red when the brunette played with his hair.

"I know you're both virgins, well I am too but that's not the point. The point is, one day...you'll be mine. Or maybe tonight, we'll just have to wait until the movie is over. I think I can wait an hour or two for the real fun to begin."

Kendall gulped, checking how long the movie had before it was over. An hour and thirty minutes or so, oh God he better pray this movie took its time.

"A-an hour and thirty minutes..."

"Tick-tock, tick-tock my little minx."


	5. His Secret Reason to be Alive

Yolo! Just back from my last class, Psychology, and ready to write! Second day of Tuesday/Thursday classes went pretty well, thank God. But thank God tomorrow is Friday, long weekend coming up! Oh yeah, so excited! But first, new chapter! Thank you to toritwilight504, my brother and my sister Shani for reviewing! Glad you enjoyed it, hope this chapter is good too! If it's short, I am sorry; I'm still working on fumes, haven't slept since school started up again. But, it is Kames so hope that is good enough! Thank you again, thank you very much! :) **Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! I forgot to say this though, last chapter: I DO own the OCs, in this case the children! I do own them, but sadly not Big Time Rush too! Also, any grammar mistakes let me know about them and I'll fix them! Ha, sorry about that!**

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The next morning was tense. Kendall and James got up early to make breakfast for the kids, who were still sleeping away like angels up in their rooms. Kendall could choke on the tension in the air; no way a knife would be able to cut through it.

He was at the stove, flipping pancakes, while James was at the kitchen counter, cutting up the carrots and turkey bacon for his famous, delicious omelets and keeping an eye on the coffeemaker all at the same time. Both had showered yet chose to wear sweats and tank tops since it was a lazy Sunday, and both were dead silent. Kendall was silent because he didn't have a way to bring up conversation ready yet, James because what his dirty blonde love wanted to talk about he wanted to avoid talking, even thinking about.

But they couldn't play this game all day. They weren't the type of couple to hold grudges with each other for long, plus they didn't want the children to notice their parents' strange behavior.

"Well, last night's movie was nice wasn't it?" Kendall thought talking about the movie would be a safe way to ease into what he really wanted to talk about. James' shoulders relaxed a little, yet he had been close to slicing his skin with the kitchen knife.

"Yes I suppose so, I don't remember much of it. When Jamie takes over I black out, remember beloved?" James pointed out, spraying another pan with anti-stick spray so that the eggs wouldn't leave messes behind. Kendall sighed, clearly his approach wasn't going to work.

'I guess I'm just going have to be straight-forward.' He thought with a mental eye-roll. He finished flipping the last pancake before taking his pan and spatula to the sink, not washing the spatula though so James could use it to start on the omelets.

"James, you shouldn't be upset over last night." That made the brunette nearly slam the knife down, his hazel-green eyes flashing as he turned to glare at Kendall.

"I shouldn't?! Beloved, Jamie tried to seduce you last night! I have to deal with sharing you, since technically he is me, but you and I are NOT ready to take that step in our relationship yet! Six months maybe long for him but not me, the stubborn bastard probably made you feel pressured!" James managed to keep his shouting down to a whisper, but there was venom clear in his tone.

Not directed at Kendall, oh no he could never be mad at his sweet boyfriend. It was Jamie; he always pushed things too far, always lived on the edge. All he wanted was to have sex, he didn't stop to think that James didn't want to have "sex" with Kendall, because that word nowadays had a crude meaning to it. He didn't want to fuck Kendall, screw around, whatever people say nowadays!

He wanted to make love to Kendall; he wanted that moment to be special, at the right time. He was slowly, but surely falling in love again. He has had his heart broken before, and it's taken a damn long time to heal it. He was still a virgin, like Kendall, despite having a fiancee in the past and a few boyfriends. James was very picky about who to sleep with; Jamie, unfortunately, was not.

He just wanted James to lose their V-card, he couldn't stand being twenty-five and not having been laid yet in their short time alive.

Kendall sighed and crossed over to hug James, arms going around the older man's neck and he burying his face into his right, strong shoulder. "He was just playing; he ended up starting a tickle war, Jay. He knows you're not ready for that, he knows I'm not either. He was just trying to push your buttons, and getting upset and being all grumpy like now is giving him what he was after." Kendall was often the one who kept James from going off the deep end. The poor English professor didn't have privacy in his own head; he needed something or someone to hear him out, or else he'd lose his mind.

DID was hard to understand; Kendall did his best, but sometimes it seemed like the lost one was James himself and he was the one with the other identity.

James rolled his eyes though, quickly dumping the eggs, carrots and turkey bacon bits into his pan and placing it on the stove without leaving Kendall's hold. He sighed, one hand still gripping the knife. Kendall swallowed hard. He wasn't afraid James was going to lash out at him; he was afraid he was going to lash out at himself.

James has had a history of self-mutilation, and some of his scars were still faintly visible against his dark skin.

"Sometimes I wonder why you stay with me..." He mumbled. Kendall heard it him though, loud and clear.

"And why is that?!" He snapped, puffing out one cheek.

"Because I'm sick, Kendall. Beloved, I'm not normal. I'm constantly in battle with someone inside my HEAD! You can never truly understand my illness, you know that without me having to tell you myself. I'm constantly fighting within myself, Jamie and I are two people in one body; it gets crowded in here, believe it or not." James began, pointing to his head.

"You deserve someone normal, someone sane! I think this for Jeremy, Bruce and Jade, too! T-they deserve a father who isn't technically split in two! I'm not perfect; I black out when Jamie is in charge, he may not have hurt anyone yet but who says he won't in the future?! Who says he isn't capable, I'd kill myself to kill him too if I were find out he hurt you and the kids! You four are all I have, I can't lose the only shred of sanity I still have!" James' voice was hard, but Kendall could see tears shining in his eyes. The dirty blonde frowned and caught all those free-flowing tears, wiping them away as he cupped James' face.

"James...James, Jamie is a part of you. If you were to kill him, you'd die too and what good would that do? Nothing good, because I would lose someone I love very much and the kids...Jay, the kids would lose their father. The first person to ever care about them, truly and genuinely care about them.

James made to interrupt but Kendall gently shushed with a soft kiss, pulling away to continue. "Let me finish, please sweetie. Listen: Jeremy, Bruce and Jade...life has been a bitch to them, a total bitch. Before you came around, Jeremy was in and out of juvie, always getting into trouble. Before you came along, Bruce contemplated suicide all the time because he, like you, once thought something was wrong with him. And before you came along, Jade could only remember her own father yelling at her and Bruce, calling her stupid and other names that weren't true. Before you, they were miserable and alone, James! They were alone, scared, and thought no one could ever love them. Then you came along...and you changed everything for them! They now have a father, two in fact, who love them very much! James I know I've only be around for six months, but you KNOW there isn't anything I wouldn't do for them! Jeremy is on the straight and narrow, a champion in archery who got offered a full scholarship for college! Bruce now loves himself, sees his self-worth and that he is perfect just the way he is! And Jade, Jade looks at you...the way she looks at you, Jay, she clearly believes that YOU are her father, not that other man. To them, James, you ARE normal! What's normal, anyway? News flash honey, no one is normal! They have their problems, and you are the perfect father for them because you KNOW what's it like to have problems, problems you can't control and still make the best of them! You're the reason they have changed, and I'm sure they wouldn't trade you for a 'normal' dad, so to say. They love you, you are the reason they changed, to want to better themselves. You are their father, James Dylan Diamond. Screw biology, you don't have to be blood-related to be a family. You're not perfect, but neither is Jamie. You two may collide, but...I know he loves you too.

At this James looked skeptical, yet his eyes were softer now, less hard and cold like frozen amber. "Yes, believe it or not, I think Jamie loves you too. Sure, he's crass and loud and annoying and sometimes a hard-ass, but...but behind all that he does care about you, about me and the kids. He sees you, us as his family too and I'm sure the last thing he'd want is to lose his family. So you're not like everyone else, why would I want someone 'normal' when I can have someone who is perfect? Because you are, just the way you are: you are smart, you are funny, you are a great father and loving boyfriend, you are sweet and sensitive but you know when to get serious too. What's wrong with you, when everything about you seems perfect to me?" Kendall finished his passionate speech with a soft smile of his own, eyes shining.

'H-how? What have I done to ever d-deserve someone like you, Kendall?' James thought in awe, managing a smile though as he pressed their foreheads together and closed his eyes. Tears ran silently down his cheeks still, but when he spoke again his tone of voice was lighter, gentler.

"I-if I'm perfect with all my flaws, with my DID then...I shouldn't be too hard on myself I guess." He said, getting a snicker from Kendall.

"Yes, you shouldn't be. You didn't ask to have DID, but I think it makes you even more special! Special in the sense that you have so much to offer me and the kids, so yeah Jay you shouldn't be too hard on yourself." Kendall responded. James soon smirked.

"Yes, I should save that for when you take my class; my strict and tough persona would be better suited for that, when you're my student." He said. At this Kendall blushed, he looking so cute in James' opinion with that hearty blush and doe eyes.

"Oh right, I-I have you next year as a sophomore!"

"Yes, yes you do and I will make sure to pay you extra special attention, beloved." James purred, kissing Kendall's nose. Said dirty blonde blush got even darker, if that was even possible, and he busied himself with the omelets forming in the pan on the stove; James laughed and went for the coffeemaker.

"Was that you flirting or Jamie, James?" He had to ask. Sometimes James picked up some thing from his other self that it was often hard to tell them apart, and since he was looking into the older man's eyes at the moment he couldn't tell if they were hazel-green or golden-red.

"Sometimes Jamie is useful." James replied. Yep, it was still James talking.

"You love him, admit it." Kendall retorted.

"Yeah, whatever."

"Admit it."

"I'll admit I love the bastard on my deathbed."

"Come, just say you at least like him."

"Sweetie, the omelets?"

"Oh crap, thanks for the heads-up!" Kendall complained, scrambling to make sure they weren't burnt. He smiled though when James let out a laugh.

All was good again, well at least for this morning.


	6. James and Jamie: Polar Opposites

Yolo! Just got back from hanging out with my family for the long weekend, ha just got back to my dorm room! Well, this chapter is mostly a diary entry chapter from James. I thought it would be nice to see what it is like inside his head, so both him and Jamie will be talking in this chapter. I hope I made clear who was saying what. Sorry if this chapter isn't entertaining. I'm tired from all the walking and since I didn't eating anything at all yesterday made sure I ate. Which makes me sleepy when I eat something; I weigh about 110 lbs, which isn't that good for my age and height so she's trying to make sure I don't lose anymore. Anyway, onward to the new chapter! Thank you for the reviews, and sorry for my absence. This is probably the only long weekend in my schedule for quite a while, and I really just wanted to be with family. Enjoy! :) **Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! I do own Bruce, Jeremy and Jade though, my cute little children! :)**

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Journal,

Today is another Sunday in the life of James Diamond, as in me, my life. Beloved and I are outside on the backyard patio watching the children play. Well, Jade is playing hide-and-seek with Jeremy between the bushes and trees while Bruce was keeping score. According to his calculations, Jeremy was terrible was at this game.

_'J is use to landing his mark, not really hunting for it.'_

Dear Lord, as you can see not even with you I have privacy, journal. Your pages will hold not only my thoughts but Jamie's, considering the fact he has the annoying ability to take over and use my body whenever he fucking wants to.

_'You really think a book can keep me out of things?'_

A man can dream, right?

_'Whatever, weirdo. Are you going to tell me why you waste your time writing in this thing? I mean, it's not like you can separate us when you're writing away about your mushy-gushy feelings.'_

I know, but sometimes I like to believe I can put up a wall between us. I was here first after all; you came around just a few years back.

_'I've been here for five or six years, genius. This body is just as much mine as it is yours.'_

Whatever, anyway back to my entry. Beloved and I love watching the children play; it kind of reminds me of when I was a kid, minus the extra voice in my head. I love when Jade laughs, and when Jeremy and Bruce dance just for her. They're not the best, I will admit, but they don't mind doing things for their sister.

_'It makes me wonder if they take after me more than you, ha!'_

Please, obviously my children are not following any of your bad influences. Well, Jeremy learned your foul mouth but only when he's really ticked off that he curses up a storm. A majority of the time he does it in good humor, unlike you.

_'It doesn't make you wonder though who they will take after more as adults?'_

Which is why I hope they enjoy being kids while they can and don't grow up too fast. The day they become mini-yous, will be the day I lose all my hair and have a heart attack.

_'I could shave your head when I'm in control, and throw this weak, fragile body in front of a car to give you a heart attack!'_

You'll feel the blow though, not me. I black out when you take over, remember? All my memories, and sensations, are numbed. Plus that would scare Kendall and the kids half to death, you really want that on your conscious, Jamie?

_'...Shut up.'_

Someone sounds annoyed, did I hit a nerve? Ha, looks like the big, bad Jamie can get his feelings hurt too.

_'You know I can torture you when I decide to have a little fun out there, right? Don't want to tempt me there, James.'_

Look at it this way, my friend. You torture me, you cause Kendall pain. You care about him just as much as I do, it's one of the few things you openly admit to me without having to force it out of you. He loves you, surprisingly, as a part of me; to him, we are one and he loves us regardless of our polar, conflicting personalities. Also, if you torture me you also cause our beautiful sons and daughter pain too. They call the BOTH of us 'Dad', so ergo the BOTH of us mean a lot to them. You hurt me, you indirectly hurt your family, our family. Now, you see where I am going with us or do I have to break it down a little further for you? You maybe a little more aggressive than me, but I'm clearly the level-headed one.

_'Okay, Okay I get it! Fuck you, James. I can't hurt you because then I'd hurt my family, I get it; you know I wouldn't chance that.'_

Good, I see we finally reached an understanding.

_'Can you stop with the fancy professor talk and speak English, like real English? I hate the fancy, pompous talk you use all the time.'_

Clearly you know how to do the "fancy, professor talk" too if you know what pompous means, dear Jamie.

_'Just end the stupid journal entry already, Princess. I'd rather we play with the kids and have Kendall join in or something than spend a nice Sunday afternoon writing away in a stupid book.'_

Will you give me two minutes of peace then?!

_'Fine, don't waste them.'_

Thank you. Well, clearly my dear journal that I won't be able to write a lengthy entry to you today since my other side is a little grumpy. Well, grumpier than usual but how is that new? Anyway, I'm planning to just spend this Sunday relaxing. My week of teaching is soon to start up again, and I'll need all the time for rest and relaxation I can get my hands on for what is to come. Being an English professor isn't easy, especially when technically inside your head there are two English geniuses instead of one.

_'One minute and thirty seconds, James.'_

Fine, fine! God, You're the only person who knows why Jamie even exists! Just please, next time if I live again...make him my twin brother! That way, I don't have to deal with him as much!


	7. Our Little Secret

Yolo! I have not updated this story for so long...sorry! So here's a new chapter, hope it's a good length! I promise to try and keep updating both of my current stories at least once a week! Meaning one week I'll update 'Love the Way You Lie', the next will be for this story! Again sorry for such a long suspense here, but I will try to keep up with everything! College can be stressful, plus in my other story, unlike this one, is a rivalry between Kames and Jhay. Here, it's just Kames. Again sorry and please enjoy, tell me what you think of this new chapter and please accept my sincere apologies! **Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! I do, however, own Jeremy, Bruce and Jade! :)**

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There were many things Kendall Knight disliked.

He disliked that some of his teachers often responded late to his e-mails concerning homework and projects. He disliked that sometimes the people on his hall were so loud some nights that he couldn't sleep. He disliked that even though he was eighteen, some people said he didn't look his age.

Okay that last one isn't so bad, but still he didn't like it when people thought he was sixteen or worse even fourteen!

But above all those things, the one thing Kendall disliked the most was when the weekend ended.

That meant going back to classes, back to the stress that often kept up him at night. And most importantly, that he and James had to go to pretending to just having a normal student-teacher relationship.

He hated that, so much.

Kendall was quiet as James pulled up in front of his dorm, the Rolland dorm. He was quiet when James cut the ignition and leaned back in his seat, keys jangling still even with the engine's purring now dying down.

"Well, another week of grading papers, dealing with moody teenagers trying to be adults, and organizing lesson plans." James said, trying to break the awkward silence by starting small talk.

"I hate this." Kendall replied, bright green eyes looking out his window. James quirked a slender eyebrow.

"What, the dorm? Rolland isn't the best from what I hear, but at least the bathrooms here don't have mold. That's a good thing, right?"

"James, you know I'm not talking about the dorm." Kendall pointed out, sighing heavily.

The older man's soft hazel-green eyes softened as he undid his seat belt and took one of the dirty blonde's hands in his. Kendall met his gaze at the familiar, warm touch, expression far from happy though.

"I knew what you were talking about, I just wanted to see if I could get you to smile. Beloved, a frown does not suit you at all." He whispered, pressing a kiss to Kendall's knuckles.

"I just hate...having to pretend I don't care about you when I'm madly in love with you. I mean, is what we have really that bad? You're one of the best English professors here, too! Would they really make you quit your dream job just because we care about each other...?" Kendall asked, flinching at the mere thought of costing his boyfriend his post here at P-W Uni.

James sighed, looking just as distraught as Kendall. "You do know nothing would make me happier than to have the whole world know you're mine, beloved but...but they could also remove you from campus if anyone on staff found out about us. I could care less about my job here; I love it sure, but I still make enough as a handyman to support Jade, Jeremy and Bruce. It's you I worry about. Not many people get to go to college; I would hate myself for the rest of my life if I cost you this opportunity." He said, expression serious.

"I know, I know."

"Then all I ask of you is to wait until you graduate. Once you're done here, our relationship can go public without endangering my position here or your higher education. You're freaking spending too much already to go here, the least I can do is make sure you're spending your money well in chasing after your dream."

"And if another part of my dream is to marry you and raise Jade, Jeremy and Bruce alongside you?" Kendall asked, green eyes hopeful, curious.

James looked a little surprised at this. Most kids in college didn't give marriage and raising a family much thought, more focused on schoolwork or, in case of the party people, get drunk and laid. Then again, Kendall Knight was everything but ordinary.

The fact that he wanted to be with James, a man a few years older than him with children, and raise his family with him said it all.

James managed composure and smiled, pressing a soft kiss to Kendall's nose. He would kiss him properly but he couldn't risk them getting caught. It was risky enough he dropping Kendall off himself at his dorm.

"If that's part two of your dream...then we will see how it becomes reality over time. Then again, if my little munchkins say they have two daddies instead of just one now, I can assure that the only person other than me that they will call that is you. You, in their eyes, are already my husband. To them, you are their father as well." He whispered, their foreheads brushing softly as Kendall played with the ring on a chain around his neck.

It was promise ring, one James gave him after the six-month mark of dating. This ring would stand as a sort-of engagement ring until the two were absolutely sure they were ready to tie the knot. James assured the blonde that they could wait as long as he wanted; this ring was just a way of taking Kendall "off the market", so to say.

"You really think it will come true, my dream part two?"

"I want it to. I want to spend my life with someone who I know I will love forever."

"Even if I'm a few years younger than you?" Kendall asked. James shrugged.

"Like you told me at the beginning of our relationship: 'age is but a number'. At first I was skeptical; some relationships with a bit of an age difference don't work out in the end, but I'm still here. I want to be with you, I still do. Even when some colleagues give me a look-over, the only person I see is you, beloved." James said, that making Kendall smile through a fiery blush.

"Me too, I can only see myself with you." He said.

"And as long as you want me around, I will be here. Now you should go up to your room, you have classes tomorrow and need to rest." James pressed a quick kiss to Kendall's lips (not wanting them to part ways without properly saying goodbye) before the shorter man stepped out of the car, closing the passenger seat door behind him.

"Goodnight. I love you." Kendall whispered. James smiled; he never got tired of hearing that.

"I love you too, beloved. Sleep well, I will see you tomorrow." James said before he started up the engine again and drove away from the curb, waving once before disappearing into the night.

Kendall sighed, a lump heavy in his throat.

He hoped the next three years here fly by fast. He hated having to pretend he was single when he was happily with and madly in love with James.

'Just have to wait three more years, then we can be together in the open. I can wait; I can wait for James.'


	8. Having to Pretend You don't Care

Yolo! Well, I don't have anything to do while I wait for my laundry to be done (curse college washing machines, they take FOREVER!) so here we are! It's time for another update to 'They Don't Know You'! Let's see how a typical morning for Kendall is in college, all the while trying to pretend that he isn't romantically involved with a teacher! Thanks to Susuki6789 for reviewing, nice to know you like my story and hope you stick around the rest! **Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! I just own the plot and Jeremy, Bruce, and Jade! :)**

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"At what time do you come in again last night?" Jett asked groggily, tired eyes on his roommate.

Kendall managed to zip up his gray hoodie before digging through his schoolbag to make sure he had everything for his classes today. "I got back around nine, you know the usual." He replied, running a hand through his still wet, dirty blonde hair.

Jett looked lost still, though. "B-but then you're Spider-Man or something, because I was wide awake watching my shows on ID and I didn't see nor hear you come in." He said, deciding now was the best time to get out of bed. If he didn't get up and shower soon, he'll fall back asleep and miss class. Kendall smiled at his often self-absorbed best friend, schoolbag hanging lazily off one shoulder.

"Maybe you now know how to sleep with your eyes open? That, or was there a Single's Day marathon on ID? It's kind of hard to tear you away from shows, J."

"Oh shut up and move so I can use the bathroom before our sweep-mates. Those football meat-heads take forever in the shower just to piss me off." Jett replied with a fake snarky tone, kicking his sheets aside and making a grab for his dark blue towel.

"You want me to wait for you, or you'll meet me in the cafe for breakfast?" Kendall asked, usual bracelets hanging from his wrists.

"We don't have class until eight, right? It's...seven-fifteen right now, you go ahead and save us a booth, Ken. You know it takes time for me to look perfect." Jett said, winking with a pout to his lips. Kendall rolled his eyes, already halfway out the door.

"Sure bro, whatever you say. See you in the cafe." Jett gave Kendall a quick wave of the hand before Kendall closed the door behind him, his ID card and card hanging off a loop of his dark blue jeans along with his car keys, pepper spray and mini flashlight.

'I wonder if James is already here, he tends to wake up at the crack of dawn...' Kendall thought wistfully, yet a painful lurch pulled at his stomach.

He hated the fact that he had to refer to James as Professor Diamond when they were back on Uni. campus. He would have to pretend that nothing special was between them, that he saw him just to give a simple smile and greeting instead of a tender kiss to the cheek or a meaningful hand-holding. Most of all, Kendall hated that every time a student talked about James, it was always foul mouth gossip and rumors.

The 'Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde' nickname hasn't lost its vigor, even with it being around for more than a year.

"I hate having to pretend that I don't care about him the way I really do. And the worst part is that I usually see him at least twice a day every day, so avoiding him to not feel pain isn't an option." Kendall mumbled to himself, passing his RA's room and heading down the stairs to the Rolland lobby.

He really hated having to hide his relationship from the world, his family back in Minnesota included, but in the end he knew it was right thing to do at the moment. After all he wasn't with James for fun and giggles; he was in this for the long haul. He knew the age difference between them would not fit well with others, plus the fact that his brunette lover had children and a mental disorder, but Kendall didn't care. He loved James, he loved Jamie, and he loved Jeremy, Bruce and Jade.

Life gave him the ultimate surprise: he found his soul mate where he least expected it. He was in love, it was forbidden love yes, but he was in love. He loved James, he loved everything about him and he didn't care what happened or came around for them. He would be with James until the end; he'll always be with him.

No matter how much it hurt or what it took, he would make sure that in the end they can be happy.

'Just keep that in mind, Kendall. Even if it hurts, even if it takes the rest of my life, as long as James wants me around then I'll be here. I'll love him forever...' Kendall felt a little better at his self pep-talk, a soft smile pulling at his lips.

His smile grew when he touched the promise ring hiding under his shirt, bright green eyes warm.

This ring, it meant a lot to him. Not because it was from James, well half of the reason why is because it is from him, but also because it was physical token of his love. He had finally found someone that was special, unique and amazing.

He's been waiting forever for a love like this, and he wasn't going to let anything break it.

The school rule maybe a hindrance right now, but it won't be the moment Kendall graduates.

When that day comes, he and James, Jamie and Bruce and Jeremy and Jade can be a real family.

**_-Page Break-_**

James was sipping at his usual french vanilla brew of coffee in the cafe, glasses on as he read away at his latest novel: The Kite Runner.

He had a plate of food in front of him, egg substitutes and turkey bacon with a slice of whole wheat toast, but he hasn't touched any of it. He didn't trust the food here in the school's cafeteria. The only reason he took food was to have something to do, so he didn't look so out of place among the other staff members and students that ate here. The only things he liked in the sense of substance here were the tea and coffee, though sometimes his herbal tea helpings would taste off because the water wasn't hot enough.

James checked his watch from time-to-time, making sure he wouldn't be late for his own lecture. It was seven-thirty, and his class wasn't to start until nine-fifteen. Yes, he had plenty of time; this small break would give him the chance to prepare next week's lectures and lesson plans ahead of time, that way he wouldn't have to miss out on Jeremy's championship game next Thursday. It would also give him time to think of a theme for Jade's birthday party; the brunette's little princess was three years younger than her brother Bruce but their birthdays were roughly a month apart. Jade was much easier to do a party for than Bruce or Jeremy, since the two boys insisted they were much too old for 'kiddie' stuff. Since Jade's current obsession was with Disney princesses, he could certainly pull of the _Frozen_ theme for her.

_'So just be clear, our little princess likes Elsa or Anna?' _Jamie asked, the sound of him chewing his lower lip in thought echoing in James' head.

It was strange just how the two were linked; sometimes James thought he had an extreme, rare case of DID.

"She likes both of them, Jamie. She likes Elsa and Anna because to her it reminds her of Bruce and Jeremy." James was able to talk to Jamie in crowded places like the cafe because no one would overhear him. Plus, everyone made sure to take seats away from the often unstable English professor.

_'How does that make any sense?'_

"Because Jeremy and Bruce would do anything to protect her?"

Jamie said nothing, probably seething and cursing mentally for James making his question sound stupid.

That got the other identity to shut up. For at least thirty seconds.

_'So where's our little lynx? He usually here at this time.'_ Jamie knew asking about Kendall while in school would tick James.

Said brunette (identity) nearly broke the mug in his right hand, eyes flashing dangerously.

"Don't ask about him, okay? We're suppose to be James: heartless bastard/the scariest English professor at Palm Woods University. You talking about him won't keep that image alive." James sneered, picking up his fork and stabbing quite harshly at his egg substitutes.

_'I think I have a reason to ask, genius. He's our fiancee, after all.'_

"He is not our fiancee. As much I wish he could be, we're not ready for that step and if you keep pushing the subject we'll end up losing him. So do us both a favor and shut up."

_'You can't make me, you know that. I'll only shut up when you stop being such an ass and go with the flow.'_ James rubbed his temples, irritation clear in his facial expression now.

"This moment, it's one of those moments in which I wish you were another person; it would be much easier to strangle you if you were not a voice in my head."

_'Then I'd be your sassy, asshole best friend!' _Jamie chided, laughing when James' face went a bright red.

"What will it take for you to shut up?!" James exclaimed, slamming his free hand against the table.

A group of freshman in the booth two tables away jumped and looked scared as they turned to look James, who rolled his eyes and tried to avoid the piercing stares he was getting.

"Thanks a lot, asshole."

_'You're welcome!'_

**_-Page Break-_**

'He's having an argument with Jamie again.' Kendall thought, he watching James from a booth near the cafe's double doors.

He wasn't eating much since he didn't have much of an appetite: he fixed himself a bowl of fruit and some milk, chewing on Lucky Charms cereal too. He's been sitting here alone for twenty minutes (Jett takes a LONG time getting ready) doing nothing but chewing on dry cereal and pineapple bits, though he had stopped mid-bite when he saw James' facial features contorted into a nasty glare.

That glare always showed up when Jamie was being a prick.

If they weren't in school, Kendall would walk over and comfort his older lover. He may care about Jamie just as much as James, but knew the strain it put on the older man for having a loud-mouth second identity ranting away day and night like it was nothing. Memories of James confessing contemplating suicide chilled Kendall to the core; no matter how strong James looked on the outside, he wasn't so on the inside.

'We're in public, around other students and staff members. They'd think it would be weird if I started up a conversation with James out of nowhere.' Kendall knew his thoughts were on the right track. Even the dean of the school didn't approach James, for he too had a bit of fear of him. The brunette was always alone during school hours, which would explain why family time was always so important to him when he got him.

Loneliness was something he could handle a majority of the time, but too much of it often drove him to the brink of breaking.

James met Kendall's eyes from across the cafe. He could tell the other wanted nothing more than to comfort and show love to his older lover, but James would not allow it. Their relationship, as much as he cherished it, was still forbidden. If Kendall were to approach him now, it could set them up for disaster.

_'Oh come on, how bad would it be if he came over and just talked to you? At least it would distract you some.' _Jamie pointed out, his logical side kicking in over the rude, short-temper appeal common to him. James drained his mug and picked up his plate, dumping the food into a nearby trashcan before handing the now empty plate to the cafeteria employees in charge of wiping the glasses, silverware and plates used for meals.

"I'm not going to endanger him, so shut up and let's go. We have class to get ready for." James mumbled under his breath, stalking out of the cafeteria with a cold look in his eyes.

Kendall flinched and moved his gaze to his food as James passed, but inside his heart was breaking.

He wished James didn't act so cold while in school...


End file.
